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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
The Elements of Communication: Lawyerium
Jul 19
General
Named for its tendency to resemble the complex language of legalese, Lawyerium is one of the most devious elements of communication. It’s most commonly found in lease agreements, formal contracts and in PowerPoint presentations where the presenter simply uses big words and long sentence to hide the fact that they don’t actually understand the subject. Unfortunately, the tendency for Lawyerium to creep its way into otherwise “non-legal” communication materials is quite prominent.
It’s easy to spot this unnecessarily perplexing element of communication. It’s much harder to eliminate it from your communication materials. Here we’ll show you how to identify and overcome the use of Lawyerium.
Characteristics
- High use of archaic phrases such as “heretofore,” “hereinafter,” “hereby,” “hereto,” “aforementioned” and “whereby”
- Equally high use of “fill phrases,” such as “when in the event of,” “in whole or in part” and “at that point in time”
- A stylistic tone that remains uniquely in the passive voice
- An average of 10 semicolons per page, and “a,b,c” lettered lists that frequently end in the letter “s”
- No use of contractions
- Tendency to write in the complete third-person point of view, often using “one” instead of “you”
- Haphazard capitalizations of implied proper nouns, such as “Company,” “Act” and “Policy”
- Prolific use of big words for no apparent reason
- A general sense of redundancy, both in the big picture and among individual sentences
Prevention
The best way to avoid Lawyerium is to write how you’d actually hold a conversation. But sometimes it’s not that easy. Check out how we’ve diffused the Lawyerium in each of these sentences, then try the last one for yourself. Post your revision in the comments section below. We’ll see who’s the best at decoding Lawyerium.
- Despite the predicted event of malice, frustration and general discontent as a result of the mandatory weekend assignment, it is vitally important for each individual to maintain his or her composure throughout this period of time due to the fact that this time of year is incredibly busy.
- This new Policy provides that, within one month after its enactment, appropriate HR Team members must issue rules prohibiting any type of on-line social media usage that (a) encourages inappropriate risk to the Company, either through defamation or otherwise inflammatory remarks, or (b) could lead to monetary loss through the informed disclosure of any such privileged information.
- Hereinafter, one may be amused to realize that, when merely reduced to syllogistic form, the aforementioned sentences need not incorporate such a plethora of variegated text.
Suggested fix: We understand that some employees may be frustrated about having to work on the weekend. But remember—this is our crunch time, and we all need to stay positive.
Suggested fix: We’d like to minimize the risk or having privileged or inflammatory company information appear on the Internet. Because of this, we’re asking all of HR to remind employees about appropriate social media usage.
Suggested fix: You tell us! Join the conversation below.
IFRACTAL’s iRate App Now Available on iPhone!
Jul 8Today is a big day for us at IFRACTAL. We just received that happy email from Apple telling us that our mobile application, iRate, is now officially available through the App Store.
Originally launched for the Android phones in May, the iRate application is a performance review generator that rates you as randomly as your boss does.
To use the application, just shake or tap anywhere on the screen. You’ll see a randomly generated performance review appear. Like a fortune cookie, these “reviews” range from the vague to the downright ridiculous. But chances are, whatever you get from iRate will be more accurate than you one you actually got.
Whether you’ve got the new iPhone 4 or you’re still stuck with a 3G, here’s how to download the application.
1. Go to the App Store.
2. Search for iRate App.
3. Download and install it. (It’s free!)
Remember, even if you don’t have a smart phone, you can still check out this app online at our iRate website. And don’t forget to join the conversation below to let us know what you think!
The Early Bird Runs HR
Jul 6
[Photo credit: madgzia]
Yeah, I’m a morning person. I do my best work before 9am. I’m in a great mood when I wake up. (I get crankier during the day.)
So how could I pass up this article titled “Why Morning People Rule the World“? Here’s the killer quote:
When it comes to business success, morning people hold the important cards. My earlier research showed that they tend to get better grades in school, which gets them into better colleges, which then leads to better job opportunities. Morning people also anticipate problems and try to minimise them. They’re proactive.
The early bird gets the worm. And runs HR.
Home HR: How to Get Through a Holiday Weekend
Jul 1You may be off from work for a couple of days, but that doesn’t mean you can put those HR skills on the backburner. If you’re spending the long weekend with your extended family, you may need to pull in a few strategies you learned in the boardroom. Here are a few go-to HR solutions for some potential scenarios this Fourth of July weekend.
Situation 1: Trouble in paradise
A genial day at the beach has rapidly degenerated. With two feuding in-laws, a crying child and a stubborn grandmother who insists on going topless, you’re concerned your public disturbance may alert the attention of authorities.
What you’d like to do:
Pretend like you actually belong to that nice, quiet family sitting to your right.
The HR solution:
Solve one problem at a time. In this case, grandma’s indecent exposure may take precedence. Tackle the feuding in-laws the same way you’d handle a hostile meeting—take a break. Encourage the two to take their argument to another part of the beach, or enlist one of them on an ice cream mission to appease the crying one.
Situation 2: The unexpected guest
Your 30-year-old son shows up at your annual family barbeque with a surprise guest—a bubble-gum popping 19-year-old who’s barely wearing enough clothes to be allowed inside of a shopping mall.
What you’d like to do:
“Accidentally” spill some ketchup on her so you have an excuse to give her an acceptable change of clothes.
The HR solution:
Exercise some self-control. And don’t just judge a book by its cover. Try to look past this less-than-pleasant-surprise and instead focus on other elements of the situation—like your sparkling conversation skills. The main idea here is to keep your cool and conduct business…err…barbeque as usual.
Situation 3: Fire emergency
An evening activity of sparklers in the front lawn goes awry when somebody accidentally lights the picnic tablecloth on fire.
What you’d like to do:
Run screaming into your neighbor’s yard and duck under their porch.
The HR solution:
Before you do anything, take a deep breath. Then assess the situation. Look around the yard. Is there anybody near the flame? How big is it? Will your fire extinguisher do (you do have one, right?) or do you need to call 9-1-1? Safety is the most important thing. And being prepared in advance for these emergencies will help you focus when the real pressure is on.
HR lolCat – Strategize
Jun 23It takes a lot of effort to develop a business strategy. If you’re thinking about making some changes, you should read the Harvard Business Review article 10 Must Reads on Strategy. They’ve chosen 10 articles that every company thinking about changing their business strategy should read before trying to execute the change.
Here I’ve listed the articles and where to either buy them or read them, but be sure to read the whole article, too.
- “What Is Strategy?” by Michael E. Porter
- “The Five Competitive Forces That Shape Strategy,” by Michael E. Porter
- “Building Your Company’s Vision,” by James C. Collins and Jerry I. Porras
- “Reinventing Your Business Model,” by Mark Johnson, Clayton Christensen, and Henning Kagermann
- “Blue Ocean Strategy,” by W. Chan Kim and Renee Mauborgne
- “The Secrets to Successful Strategy Execution,” by Gary L. Neilson, Karla L. Martin, and Elizabeth Powers
- “Using the Balanced Scorecard as a Strategic Management System,” by Robert S. Kaplan and David P. Norton
- “Transforming Corner-Office Strategy into Frontline Action,” by Orit Gadiesh and James L. Gilbert
- “Turning Great Strategy into Great Performance,” by Michael C. Mankins and Richard Steele
- “Who Has the D? How Clear Decision Roles Enhance Organizational Performance,” by Paul Rogers and Marcia Blenko
And you don’t have to take our word for it. Plus, if HR lolCat says so, then you know it’s the truth.
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