Company Secrets and Whisper Campaigns

I sat behind two guys on the train last night who were talking across the aisle about their colleagues. They both worked for a very large company that you all have heard of. And during the conversation, they used names, that had I cared to, I could have easily written down and check on.

They were talking HR issues — who was going to be fired, who had performance issues, who had a drinking problem, who was fooling around. And these two guys were doing that sotto voce thing when they said the bad stuff that, to them, made it seem like it was okay.

It wasn’t okay. In fact, it was a long way from okay.

So here’s the deal for today: If you’re in HR, it’s not okay to talk about people on the train. Or anywhere. You have a job that includes a sacred trust, and that is an expectation that people who work in your company are real people with real lives and real worries. And their problems, while probably worth nothing more than a hill of beans to those guys on my train, are private problems.

If you know anyone in HR who likes it because it’s a little Peyton Place that gives them stories to gossip about, please encourage them to get out of the business. We don’t need their type.

There’s No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Unless you’re this guy, who could afford 469,000 dollar meals at MickeyD’s. Because of a payroll mistake.

From the JT International News Wire comes a story called You Have to Work for Your Money! Author Tracey Coenen writes about someone who didn’t do the right thing:

Anthony accepted a job with telecommunications company Avaya Inc. in 2002. But he changed his mind and never went to work for the company. Yet a recordkeeping error meant that he started receiving regular payroll deposits into his bank account until the error was discovered in early 2007.

All told, he received about $469,000 from Avaya and never whispered a word of it to the company.

Amazing audacity. Stupidity, really. It does tell you that doing the right thing isn’t always top of mind. And it also tells us that HR Payroll has some room for improvement. I mean, seriously, $469,000 paid out over five years without anyone knowing? Please.

Munchausen at Work: HBR

You know when you get one of those ah-ha moments because a person brings a problem into specific relief? Today’s one of those days. This article about Munchausen at Work is a brilliant diagnosis of a real workplace issue. Siobhan Ford at Harvard Business Review wrote this to me (emphasis is mine):

Georgia Tech professor Nate Bennett studied team performance in over 30 companies and was struck by cases of employees creating fictitious organizational problems in order to solve them and receive praise for it. He calls the phenomenon “Munchausen at work”—a workplace version of the psychological disorder Munchausen by proxy—and explains how managers can diagnose it.

You can read the article for free at HBR during the month of November 2007 by clicking here. (You really should subscribe to HBR — it’s loaded with great information every month.)

I’ve seen plenty of Munchausen at Work in my career. I think Professor Bennett is being conservative when he says it’s infrequent. After all, isn’t that what half of all meetings are about — some problem created so that someone can swoop down and fix it? It’d be interesting to call people on their Munchausen at Work-iness. It could be the new “Can I give you some feedback?”, only this time it would be, “Is this a real problem or is this Munchausen at Work?” That would stop the disrupters in their tracks.

HR Idea for the Day: Call Professor Bennett. Get him to come to your shop and present his Munchausen at Work findings. Print up some buttons and t-shirts that say “Wipe Out Munchausen at Work in Our Lifetime.” Get some wristbands made that say “No MAW.”

Michael Moore’s Sicko and Some Thoughts About Ethical Compensation Practices

I saw Michael Moore’s Sicko on Saturday night in a packed house in suburban Philadelphia. And I was sickened about the people who create unethical bonus plans.

Yes, this one’s for you, the people who head up compensation functions or consultants who provide advice. I’m going to get a little esoteric, but mostly I’m going to rant.

Here’s the deal: There’s a piece in Sicko about a doctor who’s testifying to Congress about her role in “killing patients to save money for her company.” She was the medical director of a major insurance company, and her job was to deny claims. Lots of them. Know what the beauty was? Her bonus was tied to how many claims she denied.

This is the part where my blood boiled.

How in the hell can someone create a bonus structure that rewards people for denying legitimate claims? I’m not talking about bogus claims here. I’m not talking about a company’s right to make money — I definitely think they should. I’m not talking about good bonus structures. I’m talking about creating bonus and pay structures that encourage unethical behavior.

Just don’t do it.

Here’s my take on Compensation’s professional responsibility:

  1. Don’t create bonus plans that you wouldn’t be proud to describe to your grandmother.
  2. There’s nothing wrong with making money, but encouraging people to make money the wrong way is just wrong.
  3. When you’re designing pay structures, ask yourself “Is this ethical?” as often as you ask “Will this make the company money?”
  4. Your job is to coach business leaders to do the right thing. It’s not enough and it’s not professional to “just take orders.”
  5. If you know it’s wrong, it’s wrong. Stand up. Speak out. Get a backbone. That’s your job.

I tell you, I was embarrassed to think about that bonus scheme in Sicko that encouraged medical directors to make life-or-death decisions based solely on P&L and the effect it would have on their bonus. Sickened.

And if being ethical is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

We Are (Not) Family

Here’s the closing line on Penelope Trunk’s new piece in the The Huffington Post titled, Hold CEOs Accountable for Their Bad Parenting:

When you are looking for a company to work for, look at the CEO. If you find out he’s having sex with four different women, you don’t have to worry — he’s about to be fired. But if he works insane hours, you can bet that you will be expected to do the same, on some level. And my gosh, if he refers to you as his family, run!

“If he refers to you as family, run!” That’s a million-dollar piece of career advice. Penelope, the author of 2007’s must reads, The Brazen Careerist, is talking about CEOs who do nothing with their own families, work 100 hours a week, and sell their souls to the company store. A “family atmosphere” is one thing — that’s about being supportive. But she’s talking about a CEO thinking that the company’s employees are his “family,” as in he’s not calibrated and doesn’t have a real life.

Bob Sutton said that Penelope “nailed it: with this quote:

We have a double standard in our society: If you are poor and you abandon your kids, you are a bad parent. But if you are rich and you abandon them to run a company, you are profiled in Fortune magazine.

Wow. When we think about company culture it’s important to look to the top for clues. Penelope Trunk brought that into fine relief.

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