Sure, We Trust You…Now Bend Over

In what should feel like a kick in the gut to every HR and IT person who thinks it’s okay “own” people while they’re at work, look at this Dilbert cartoon from March 3, 2008. Please look quickly because the strips don’t stay up for more than a couple of weeks. Here’s the punchline:

(Panel 1) Catbert to new employee: Our company is like a family. Our culture is built on trust and respect.
(Panel 2) Catbert to new employee: Now sign this document that says we can test you for drugs and search your computer and your office.

I’m predicting two reactions here. If you’re the one saying, “Yeah, that’s right, trust, but verify,” then all I can do is shake my head. Irony is not your strong suit. If you felt punched in the gut, do something. Change your policy. Or at least talk about it. In Plato’s words, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Can a Fish Climb a Tree?

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
–Albert Einstein

My wife, Sheryl, sent this quote to me yesterday. I think it perfectly captures why performance reviews, by themselves, aren’t enough. Or even close to enough.

Performance reviews without a look at what people are good at, especially with Jack Welch’s world’s worst “10 percent of people won’t make it” system, is a little like judging a fish by its ability to climb a tree. I’m a big believer in “do what you love and success will follow.” You can argue with my logic, but go ahead and take on Einstein.

HR Lesson: Work Hard and Be Nice to People

Work Hard Poster

There’s a real brilliance in simplicity. Anthony Burrill’s woodblock poster should be put up in HR departments and break rooms around the country. Toss out the HR mission statements. This is it: Work hard and be nice to people.

[Found at Tina Roth Einsenberg's fabulous Swissmiss.]

Billion Dollar Idea for HR: Cut Meetings in Half

SawIf you’re an HR leader and want to do something that will significantly impact the bottom line at your company, here it is: Cut meetings in half.

Cut Meetings in Half; Save a Billion Dollars
HR can develop a staffing plan to save mountains of cash and small cities worth of headcount. Here’s how: Create a Cut it in Half campaign. Sell the idea to the CFO and CEO. Look like a hero.

Cut it in Half: The Mantra
Half the people.
Half the time.

Imagine how much more productivity you could get from your white collar employees if you challenged (okay, I mean “demanded”) meeting organizers to cut the number of attendees in half. Then cut the meeting time in half. If all meetings in your place are scheduled for an hour, make 30 minutes the rule. If eight people are deemed “necessary,” invite them, then when the group arrives at the meeting, make four of them leave. Half the people; half the time.

This isn’t nuts. It’s reality. Managers become senior managers when their calendars are fully booked. How does that make any sense? I’m not saying that all meetings are a waste, just half of each of those meetings. So get on with it. Half the people; half the time. How hard would that be? Hey, recruiters, want to cut down on your workload and look for qualified candidates rather than warm bodies to fill seats at meetings? Half the people; half the time.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

[Credit: Image source]

What’s Your HR Tagline?

I saw this clever post titled If Taglines Were Honest, which made me wonder: What’s your HR tagline? No, not that silly mission, vision, values junk. The real one.

Here are a few from the article:

Apple: You think you need it, we know you just want it.

Taco Bell: You’re drunk and we’re still open.

Southwest Airlines: On your marks, get set, find a seat!

[via]

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