How Do You Handle Weirdos at Work?

I like diversity in the workplace. But how do you handle weirdos? I’m talking about 150-cats-and-10-years-worth-of-newspapers-in-a-tiny-apartment weird.

This morning, Crazy Cat Lady plunked down next to me on the train. She squashed me. I moved.

Crazy Cat Lady Plops Down Next to Me and My Pants End up Soaked
The first time Crazy Cat Lady sat next to me was several weeks ago. It was a very rainy day. When she got on, Crazy Cat Lady plopped down and shook her umbrella on me. Then she put her soaking wet lunchbox on my lap. I was wearing tan pants. I pushed the lunchbox off my lap toward Crazy Cat Lady. She said, “I need to put that there.” I said, “Here’s a crazy idea: Hold your own lunchbox.” I had a lunchbox wet spot in the crotch of my pants. I love that on the way to work.

Cocobutted by the Crazy Cat Lady
The next time Crazy Cat Lady sat next to me she took up three-quarters of the seat. Now, I’m not a tiny guy and can hold my own. But she cocobutted me into the wall of the train. I was squeezed into a spot small enough for a third grader. I need considerably more space.

What is This, a Fellini Film?
The third time Crazy Cat Lady sat next to me I thought I was trapped in a Fellini film. She backed her prodigious backside into my head and practically sat on top of me. (I was looking down at the NYT crossword puzzle and didn’t see her coming.) After that, she took out at least 5 days’ worth of newspapers and started flinging them open, elbowing me in the ribs and arm with each page turn. I sighed loudly. She didn’t get the hint, unless by “getting the hint” she thought my loud sighs meant she should rip pieces from each page of the newspaper and wedge them in between our melded hips.

I Say “No Mas” to the Crazy Cat Lady
Today was the fourth time Crazy Cat Lady sat down next to me. There were lots of double seats with only one rider. I was in a 3-seater with a woman on the outside. Crazy Cat Lady violated the Unwritten Code of the Public Transportation Rider and wanted in a middle seat when aisle seats were plainly available. (Commuters know what I’m talking about.)

I’d had enough. When Crazy Cat Lady squeezed me against the wall I asked to get up. I moved to the aisle seat in front of me. Crazy Cat Lady spent the rest of the ride coughing and blowing her nose into a single Kleenex.

How Do You Handle Weirdos at Work?
Performance management is easy with good people. And for people that are horrible. But how do you handle weirdos?

We’ve all worked with a Crazy Cat Lady. How do you manage people like that? I wish I had an answer. I just get up and move.

About the Author

Frank Roche

Frank started IFRACTAL over 7 years ago with Sarah Chambers. Together, they've created HR communications and HR software for some of the world's leading companies. Frank is also studying Flamenco guitar and origami.

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