10 New Job Titles for Pay Transparency

Posted on Wednesday, February 11, 2009 by Jessica Chappell

One outcome of pay transparency will be that everyone will have an individual job title. No two jobs will be the same anywhere in the company. No equivalence, no discrimination.

Here are 10 new job titles for pay transparency. What’s your going to be?

  1. Zone 4.2, Level 22.67, Grade 5.5363
  2. Paris Hilton
  3. Left-Handed Designer Who Sits in Cubicle 23 on the 3rd Floor in the West Wing of Building 3
  4. Future Implementation Process Consulting Analyst Analytical Individual Contributor II
  5. Middle-Aged Guy Who Makes Spreadsheets
  6. Older (About to Retire) Guy Who Checks Spreadsheets
  7. Junior Operational Blonde-Haired Female Assistant Meeting Meeting Planner
  8. Trained Monkey
  9. The Gopher
  10. Harvard-Educated Math Computer Program Writer Data Analyst Compensation Consultant Network Administrator Installation Manager Hardware Purchaser Multitasker, Esq.

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    User Comments

    1. jtramsay

      Feb 11th, 2009

      That's probably the most cynical outcome of what is in essence a much needed change in compensation transparency. Isn't this sort of what happened when the new overtime rules went into effect anyway?

    2. Frank

      Feb 11th, 2009

      It is a real possibility…I mean, if this goes, there's every chance that everyone will be a human snowflake, different in their own special way. This was just for fun…and to make a point. It does happen like this, though. The Law of Unintended Consequences comes into play when people try to change only one part of a complex issue.

    3. lruettimann

      Feb 11th, 2009

      I'm the cha cha queen.

    4. Frank

      Feb 11th, 2009

      Laurie, that is the perfect title for you. You have more cha cha than 100 people put together.

    5. Frank

      Feb 11th, 2009

      I caught the Man Cold….I'm still laughing about that video on your site. LOL…sniffle.

    6. rick

      Feb 11th, 2009

      Mine will be the Client Focused Scary Manager

    7. Frank

      Feb 12th, 2009

      Hey, Rick, this will be like our Spice Girls name.

    8. HR Good Witch

      Feb 13th, 2009

      :-) You made the point and made it well. Well done. Yes – comp transparency is good. And, yes, comp transparency is complex, dangerous and far from being a panacea. Transparency advocates… careful what you ask for!

      Having said that, we went more transparent a couple years ago, and it “worked”, warts and all.

    9. Frank

      Feb 14th, 2009

      Thanks, Glenda ;-)

      “Be careful what you ask for” is so true. I am all for fair pay…do it right and get it right. But to explain all of what one person is better (or worse) than another…I don't think we have that kind of measure anywhere in our lives.

    10. Strahan

      Feb 17th, 2009

      SVP CB WLCC

    11. Frank

      Feb 17th, 2009

      That is a beauty.

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