Ever know people who lie at work?
My son is doing a favor for some neighbors. They called our house after 8 pm on Sunday night and asked if one of our boys could babysit — all week. They wanted a babysitter for their 6th grade son from 8:30 am to 5 pm. Any of you who have teenage boys know that they don’t always get up at the crack of dawn. But Stephen, my 14-year-old, agreed to do it as a favor. No good deed goes unpunished.
Yesterday, when the parents came home, the kid told his parents — in front of my wife — that my son told him not to watch a bad TV program “because he wanted to sleep.” It was a stone cold lie. Made up whole cloth. And why? Because he was told “no” in a neighborhood filled with Self Esteem Movement Kids whose parents never tell them “no.”
Here’s what I suggested: Talk to the parents. Tell them what happened. Suggest that you don’t like your reputation being questioned. (Stephen has a 2nd Degree Black Belt, and is as disciplined and determined as anyone I’ve ever seen.) And talk to the kid. If that doesn’t work, walk away. (I once worked with the worst kind of little troll in a big consulting firm, and I should have walked away long before I offered to pay a rat a quarter to chew the warts off her face.)
How to Deal with Liars at Work
Yeah, that little story is a teeny little neighborhood drama. But what happens when you work with a dangerous liar at work? What happens if it happens to you? I say don’t let it go. Here are three things to do:
- Talk to the liar immediately. I was going to say “confront” the liar, but my conflict resolution friends probably wouldn’t like that phrase. But you get the point. Ask, “Why the lie?” Get underneath the issue. Find out. Fast.
- Clear up any confusion post-haste. Did you ever see the movie The American President with Michael Douglas? There’s a long section of the movie where the president doesn’t respond to spurious accusations against him and it nearly takes him down. Don’t do it. Truth triumphs and lies hide in dark little corners, afraid of the light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there’s a reason that “fight fire with fire” is an axiom. It’s because it’s true.
- Above all things, behave ethically. There’s a certain confidence in knowing that you wouldn’t be ashamed to tell your grandmother about what you’ve done. If you behave as an upstanding citizen, then you have much less to lose when the liars ply their trade. Good triumphs and liars have to go home and live with themselves.
That’s writing down the bones on liars in the workplace. It was five minutes of me reacting. What do you do with liars in the workplace? What’s the best strategy you’ve found?
UPDATE: I had to laugh as I was going through my Google Reader a few minutes ago. Bob Sutton posted the Latest Tips for Surviving Workplace A**holes. The Professor, as always, nails it.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
Liars in the office — we’ve all had to deal with them. I worked at a performing arts center and the day after a big event with lots of stars on hand, my boss called me in to her office and said that one of the VP’s told her that I had stood with the press photographers in the main entrance to take personal pictures of all the stars coming in. It was a silly lie, because not only did I do no such thing but it was ridiculously easy to disprove.
I told my boss where I had been standing (outside, behind the ropes, with some other VP’s and senior management). And when I got my pictures developed I took them in and showed them to her. Most of the photos showed the back of lots of heads and barely-recognizable celebrities. She had to agree that either I wasn’t where this VP said I was, or I was the worst picture-taker on the planet.
So, why did this woman lie about me? I have no idea, except that we had clashed over event issues several times. Maybe she thought this would be a good time to get me in trouble.
Regardless, though, I was very disappointed in my boss for even half-believing that I would do such an unprofessional thing. We had an excellent working relationship, but after that I was always conscious of a barrier between us.
Great article, by the way. I think I have next month’s newsletter topic!
There are many degrees of workplace liars. I have been lucky in a long career to have only a few times when someone lied about something that I did or did not do.
For me, equally evil are people that dramatically exagerate their accomplishments to enhance their career often at the expense of someone with ethics. I am not referring to people who are good at promoting themselves based on actual acheivement. It is those who speak in generallities and “round up” their level of acheivement. It amazes me how easily many senior people fall for a set of lies if confidently stated when typically a few focused followup questions will reveal the true (i.e. lower)magnitude of acheivement.
Good for your son. And good for you for offering work to the rat.
My vote for best line is your reference to being able to talk to your grandmother about what you’ve done. While discussing ethics in the military, I used to tell my Marines that we want to do nothing that we wouldn’t be ashamed – once all the facts were out – to tell our grandchildren. It’s a good way to put perspective on ethical considerations being imposed on you in the workplace, and to establish your framework to responding to them.
Thanks for a great post!
Jim, that “gramdmother test” works. Cool to hear about you used it where it really matters…that’s a place where people are under duress, and it’s essential that they consider their actions in advance. In journalism grad school we had to go through lots of scenarios where we had to consider if we would intervene in a story…ethics required that you knew what you would do before you did it.
Thanks about my son. I wasn’t proud about the rat thing, but it was satisfying at the time. Sometimes you just have to walk away.
Joan, thanks so much! Powerful story you tell there, too. It’s sad when one’s reputation is questioned, especailly if it’s unwarranted. There are some scary people out there…which is good for Dilbert but not so great for regular workers.
Rick, it does astonish me when people have to tear others down in order to feel good about themselves. They’re toxic — the third rail — and my best solution is to stay FAR away from them
I work on an insurance claims line where we actively lie or tell half truths all day and I fricking hate it. Worse they want me to be really empathetic and pretend that we really care about the clients whilst they are on the phone and then actively screw them over and do it with a clear conscience, like I know a way our clients can save about 60 pounds as they dont need a car from a certain hire firm but are entitled to it for FREE on their policy, but we send them through to the hire firm (who then mis-lead clients with duplicitous lies) and screw them out of more money because we have a contract with that company. Ive complained to my team leader that I don’t think its ethical and her response was that they don’t have to take the car with that company and if their stupid enough to sign with them it not our problem.
Its all profits over people and it makes me sick.
Great post! I have a Vice President who tells us a daily lie in order to prove a point. For the love of God I cannot understand why! Now he is on a “Leadership” kick and he wants us to be better leaders for our salesmen. How can someone lead when his leader is misleading him everyday he walks into the office? Better yet, our CEO eats up his lies continues to back him in every situation when the entire time we are having a massive retention issue and he cannot figure out why.
Honesty is always the best policy, but how do you deal with compulsive liars who don’t care how much damage their lies really cause?
Well Bill what you can do is write an anonymous letter to the CEO, outlining the retention problem and what is causing it. Make it as clear as possible, but be sure to make it anonymous. Then sit back and see what happens. Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone that you sent the letter. If the CEO is doing what he should be doing, he will at least think about the contents of the letter. I have done this kind of thing at work and am pleased at the results, but I have on occasion not done this anonymously. It is definitely best to keep quiet about it.
Bill, a bad situation indeed. And I can’t imagine how a business can run like that…it does, but in spite of itself.
I’m a fan of calling people on their bullshit. It might mean having to leave, but rampant lying is horrible. And…a fish rots from the head first.
Frank, Thank you. You are not the only person to tell me this. I am also a fan of calling him out, however most of the time it only causes him to keep lying and it never ends. Then he covers his tail and he tells our CEO and COO that I am not fit to lead our sales staff and that i should be replaced. I can only imagine what they think of me.
At the end of the day, I will simply have to update my resume and call a head hunter hoping to find a real leader to follow and mentor me. I’ll keep you posted on my search!.. Thanks again.
Bill, cheers on your search. Honest people are always in demand, and you’ll be a great addition to any company. And let’s hope that your new place will have people as ethical as you.
It continually amazes me that people cannot work together towards the same dream or goal in an organisation. All the petty lying and bickering between staff just impairs productivity and efficiency. But then we are all only as good as the person that leads us. I have no problem in the work place of calling a liar on there actions, and will also make it ethical and professionally known to their colleages. At the end of the day, all business is corrupt to a point, but this doesnt mean that we have to lower our own standards to be the same. One dreams of the day that ethics rule over profits, but then maybe I am living in a world where this will never be the case.
Call a spade a spade, and you will never be disrespected by colleages as long as your facts are correct.
Call a spade a spade, and you will never be disrespected by colleages as long as your facts are correct.
What kind of kool-aid are you drinking? I have the unfortunate ability to spot liars often immediately however this skill only serves to protect me. When I say liars, I do not mean the average person who tells the occasional lie or a person who may tell more than occasional lies but the extremely convincing, glib perfect liar who has no tells and is an expert at knowing what people want and how to give it to them. When they are caught in a lie, they create a better lie to cover it or use their emotional power of manipulation to minimize it so those who know don’t care. I have met several liars at the workplace, one who defrauded the company of thousands of dollars and took advantage of other co-workers and prior to that I informed all of my co-employees and the boss that he was an untrustworthy liar and I stated facts that proved my case yet they were ignored. In in other situations outside of work and the outcome was similar. People are animals; emotional creatures not rational and when you present the truth they ignore it. Anyone can spot a normal liar but it is pathological or sociopathic liars that are rarely caught and unless you have evidence that can’t be ignored then don’t even bother. You’ll look like an asshole and the liar will use their abilities to disparage your reputation.
You are so correct!!!
I have actually found the opposite to be true. The coworker doing the lying is who is actually believed. This has even been the case when there was more than one other coworker present, and they even told the boss that what the liar was saying wasn’t true. But, still the boss believed the liar. This situation has actually happened in 2 place I have worked, and on more than one occasion in ech place of employment as well. It just makes you wonder why the ones lying always seem to be believed.
This is a relevant and much needed posting! When I think of liars, I often think of my 3 year old, who makes up a story to divert my attention off of something that she has done that is wrong. Lying is childish! I work in the health care field and in the acute hospital setting there is NO place for liars, but unfortuantely they exist. I hate when I have to work behind a “lazy” nurse. It makes care of the patient more difficult, especially if I am busy with other patients, and often delays care that is important. In addition, it is something that SHOULD have been taken care of prior to my shift. I feel that at any job, lying is just NOT necessary. Be honest, we are adults (at least in age, maybe not mentally), but I respect you as a person if you simply tell the truth. I liked this posting because it gives great points on dealing with the liars and I do believe in getting to the bottom of things and nipping it in the bud! Also, the part about behaving ethically offers good points because sometimes people can push you to your limit and cause you to act out. In this case, I say stay professional. Professionalism never goes out of style! To the liars, just grow up, take accountability for your actions, and most importantly- BE HONEST!
I’m dealing with a compulsive liar in the work place, she is constantly telling big and small lies….and if confronted she just lies again. She is a sweet person, but her truth is on a different level than what the average persons is. She ALWAYS makes it seem as if she is the only one in the office that knows how to complete a task and of course she does the most work. She has a very limited understanding of new tasks therefore we keep her on the same merry go round each day, however to the outside departments she is the golden child of our section, because as military we try to stick together. Our office knows how she is other offices dont so they hear her constant lies and down talk of others and think that she has to be telling the truth. I googled how to deal with liars in the work place and found this site…I’m at my wits end and cant continue to stay ethical and professional so i stay quite but its eating me alive…some help please..some words of wisdom right now would go a long way.
Hi there…dealing with compulsive liars is the worst. They feel no remorse and they can lie right to your face and not worry about it. It’s so different for good and ethical people like you to have to put up with people like that.
Liars often are golden children…for a while. But it goes away. They can talk a good line, but it never works out over the long run. My sense is people like that are toxic…and it’s good to get away from them. That’s always the easy thing to say…I recognize in all organizations that it’s tough. Very tough. Recognizing she’s like that is a first step. I think documenting things is essential…I think keeping a diary is a good idea. Write down dates…little twists. Liars have bad memories…and when it’s time — and there’s always a “time” — having times and dates and a diary really helps.
I know that doesn’t make it go away. But I’m always a fan of icing those kinds of people out. And letting them be hoist with their own petard by documenting their behavior and stowing it away for a rainy day.
My boss is a compulsive liar. She constantly steal my ideas and present them as her own. She literally lied on my performance evaluation to make her herself look good. Her boss is totally convinced she is this wonderful human being who was mistreated by her past employer. This lady lies so much that it is frightening.I am concerned I will end up losing my job because she is such a skilled liar. The strangest thing is, I am the only person that seems to see her for who she really is. I have never met another human being who is a more skilled liar,, I am truly shocked and amazed.
Thanks so much i come and read your response a few times during the week….your advice is so right…i’ve started writing things down and also another co worker was already doing the same thing so we compared notes and basically we’re just waiting on that “day”….I went up the chain several days ago and surprise they are aware this person is toxic, however nothing has been done, I notated that meeting as well….I think a made a very valid point in that meeting the military is so worried about having security clearances but giving a liar a position of authority defeats that purpose. needless to say i still havent recieved a answer to that question! I’ve passed this site around to my coworkers and its actually a big help so thanks again!
I have to agree with all that you all are saying,but to the lady who said her co-worker was nice,should rethink that. People who lie and it cause harm to others are not nice people. They are passive aggressive and use that seeming nice to their advantage, so if they lie to your boss, it assured that they will be the ones that are believed and not you. No matter how hard you work or how deciate you are to a company,all it takes is one nice person to get in the bosses ear and no matter what the lie is your butt is the one on the line not the NICE Person. So please don’t be fooled by them –even puppies can bite.
I am being supervised by the most passive-aggressive liar, ever! I work with the developmentally disabled and am extremely passionate about my work. I recently applied for certification and have been given the run around after passing all the tests and completing the requirements. My supervisor tells me today that I will not receive certification because I did not take the “pre-test”. She told me that it had been scheduled on 7/21, I have a copy of all of my training requirements and the training coordinator wrote in “to be scheduled”, yet never followed up. I am fed up because she must have told everyone in the agency lies about me because they are all extremely defensive when I try to speak with them rationally, they keep telling me lies and I have evidence, plenty of it. This is really annoying and extremely unprofessional and at this point I don’t know what else to do…
Hi there…time for HR. That kind of behavior by a supervisor is unacceptable. Bring your facts and be dispassionate about the facts. Let them stand…and since you’re a good employee, ask to be moved to a different supervisor. They can do that. Best of luck.
I am convinced that liars are the only people who easily get jobs. I can’t say that I have never, ever lied in my life because I was raised in a religious household and I am very religious and everyone has lied in their life at some point. However, I am adamantly against the idea of constantly lying; yet, I’ve ended up in several workplaces surrounded by people who lie and get away with it. It has cost me two jobs! (Almost 3)…
For instance, last year, I had a temporary job with the ‘potential’ to become permanent. I had a supervisor and a program manager who was ‘over’ the supervisor and myself with which to deal. I have a good sense of knowing who ‘likes’ me and who doesn’t – it’s unexplainable… I can just ‘tell’. I knew that my supervisor did not like me much, but she didn’t actively try to hurt me at the time. The program manager seemed to like me and tried to ‘protect’ me a lot if he thought that someone was trying to do anything to ‘hurt’ me. He was not like this with anyone else – only me. Normally, he could be every aggressive – but he was a different person with me, very gentle and humble.
After a while, everyone in the company began to praise my work and some even began to ‘campaign’ for me to become a permanent worker. At this time, I was also interviewed by another supervisor that I didn’t know very well for a supervisor position. I didn’t get the position and I really didn’t expect to be hired for the position because, again, I didn’t know the interviewer as well as some of the other candidates. However, the mere fact that I was selected for an interview was a good sign – it is extremely tough to get an interview for a permanent position with that company.
After I was given so much positive attention, the lies began! The supervisor that seemed to not like me told some of my co-workers that I ‘didn’t like them’. I walked in on her while she was telling the lie and she tried to get out of it, but the damage was done. One co-worker didn’t speak to me for several weeks. On another occasion, I caught the same supervisor lying to the program manager about me. For a while, it didn’t really work and he didn’t seem to believe it and was very protective of me, but eventually, he began to distance himself.
Meanwhile, another co-worker who became upset when she found out that I was a finalist for the supervisor position began to lie as well. She had so much seniority that everyone was quick to believe her and she nearly ruined my reputation. I had a MA in arts and I think that she felt threatened because she barely graduated from high school and was ‘in the right place at the right time’ to get her position. She would never be promoted because of the limited education and she wanted to make sure that I would not as well. Finally, she told a lie, tried to push and hit me, and framed me as the aggressor. I was never punished for her lie, but the program manager, who once liked me, really distanced himself and even told me that I would probably ‘never be hired’ by the company. The supervisor who never liked me continued to tell more lies and between her and the co-worker, I was quickly getting a reputation as a very ‘bad person’. They even told lies to each other about me… and everyone else.
Finally, the co-worker withheld some documents so that I could not do my job at all. No one would help me, so I had to resign in order to prevent myself from being fired due to not completing my duties.
Afterward, I was offered another job at another company in which the supervisor lied about the duties of the job. I was supposed to be a secretary, but was told to pack boxes only. Although I was disappointed, I continued to work as hard as possible while the other workers gossiped and laughed with the supervisors. I did so much work for several days – and was told not to return to work again at the end of the last day! Later, I found out that a co-worker and a supervisor lied on me and said that I was ‘confrontational’. This is not true, because I hardly said two words during my entire time at the plant!
Finally, I was offered another job and again, the job duties were not as I was told when I accepted the offer. Again, I was just grateful to have a job so I started with a smile. I was told to go in a room and wash the dishes for several hours. I heard arguments coming from outside of the kitchen, but I minded my business. Feeling afraid, I quit at the end of the shift… and it was a good call. I found out that the supervisor said that I was the one who started the argument outside of the kitchen (I was washing dishes and was never outside of the kitchen the entire time). Another supervisor said that I asked for several days off from work (which I never did…)
I think that they were already planning to fire me and that’s the reason that they were making up the lies… I quit the job just in time, but…
Why do so many people lie?
Thanks Andy for sharing the truth about ins claims, I went through hell with a claims adjuster over a car wreck last year. But what was even worse I had an accident at my work place a few months back, and a complete cover up by mgt. and a lying H.R. person got my claim denied, now I have to go through another long ordeal, and I am not asking for anything other than my hospital, & their workmans comp dr to be paid…it’s wrong and unfair, and am so tired of the jackals. Very stressed out as I feel my job is at risk now! Having to see the liar (the H.R. woman) at work is humilating, she should be fired.