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How to Deal with Liars at Work
Aug 22Ever know people who lie at work?
My son is doing a favor for some neighbors. They called our house after 8 pm on Sunday night and asked if one of our boys could babysit — all week. They wanted a babysitter for their 6th grade son from 8:30 am to 5 pm. Any of you who have teenage boys know that they don’t always get up at the crack of dawn. But Stephen, my 14-year-old, agreed to do it as a favor. No good deed goes unpunished.
Yesterday, when the parents came home, the kid told his parents — in front of my wife — that my son told him not to watch a bad TV program “because he wanted to sleep.” It was a stone cold lie. Made up whole cloth. And why? Because he was told “no” in a neighborhood filled with Self Esteem Movement Kids whose parents never tell them “no.”
Here’s what I suggested: Talk to the parents. Tell them what happened. Suggest that you don’t like your reputation being questioned. (Stephen has a 2nd Degree Black Belt, and is as disciplined and determined as anyone I’ve ever seen.) And talk to the kid. If that doesn’t work, walk away. (I once worked with the worst kind of little troll in a big consulting firm, and I should have walked away long before I offered to pay a rat a quarter to chew the warts off her face.)
How to Deal with Liars at Work
Yeah, that little story is a teeny little neighborhood drama. But what happens when you work with a dangerous liar at work? What happens if it happens to you? I say don’t let it go. Here are three things to do:
- Talk to the liar immediately. I was going to say “confront” the liar, but my conflict resolution friends probably wouldn’t like that phrase. But you get the point. Ask, “Why the lie?” Get underneath the issue. Find out. Fast.
- Clear up any confusion post-haste. Did you ever see the movie The American President with Michael Douglas? There’s a long section of the movie where the president doesn’t respond to spurious accusations against him and it nearly takes him down. Don’t do it. Truth triumphs and lies hide in dark little corners, afraid of the light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there’s a reason that “fight fire with fire” is an axiom. It’s because it’s true.
- Above all things, behave ethically. There’s a certain confidence in knowing that you wouldn’t be ashamed to tell your grandmother about what you’ve done. If you behave as an upstanding citizen, then you have much less to lose when the liars ply their trade. Good triumphs and liars have to go home and live with themselves.
That’s writing down the bones on liars in the workplace. It was five minutes of me reacting. What do you do with liars in the workplace? What’s the best strategy you’ve found?
UPDATE: I had to laugh as I was going through my Google Reader a few minutes ago. Bob Sutton posted the Latest Tips for Surviving Workplace A**holes. The Professor, as always, nails it.
About the Author
Frank Roche
Frank started IFRACTAL over 7 years ago with Sarah Chambers. Together, they've created HR communications and HR software for some of the world's leading companies. Frank is also studying Flamenco guitar and origami.
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Liars in the office — we’ve all had to deal with them. I worked at a performing arts center and the day after a big event with lots of stars on hand, my boss called me in to her office and said that one of the VP’s told her that I had stood with the press photographers in the main entrance to take personal pictures of all the stars coming in. It was a silly lie, because not only did I do no such thing but it was ridiculously easy to disprove.
I told my boss where I had been standing (outside, behind the ropes, with some other VP’s and senior management). And when I got my pictures developed I took them in and showed them to her. Most of the photos showed the back of lots of heads and barely-recognizable celebrities. She had to agree that either I wasn’t where this VP said I was, or I was the worst picture-taker on the planet.
So, why did this woman lie about me? I have no idea, except that we had clashed over event issues several times. Maybe she thought this would be a good time to get me in trouble.
Regardless, though, I was very disappointed in my boss for even half-believing that I would do such an unprofessional thing. We had an excellent working relationship, but after that I was always conscious of a barrier between us.
Great article, by the way. I think I have next month’s newsletter topic!
There are many degrees of workplace liars. I have been lucky in a long career to have only a few times when someone lied about something that I did or did not do.
For me, equally evil are people that dramatically exagerate their accomplishments to enhance their career often at the expense of someone with ethics. I am not referring to people who are good at promoting themselves based on actual acheivement. It is those who speak in generallities and “round up” their level of acheivement. It amazes me how easily many senior people fall for a set of lies if confidently stated when typically a few focused followup questions will reveal the true (i.e. lower)magnitude of acheivement.
Good for your son. And good for you for offering work to the rat.
My vote for best line is your reference to being able to talk to your grandmother about what you’ve done. While discussing ethics in the military, I used to tell my Marines that we want to do nothing that we wouldn’t be ashamed – once all the facts were out – to tell our grandchildren. It’s a good way to put perspective on ethical considerations being imposed on you in the workplace, and to establish your framework to responding to them.
Thanks for a great post!
Jim, that “gramdmother test” works. Cool to hear about you used it where it really matters…that’s a place where people are under duress, and it’s essential that they consider their actions in advance. In journalism grad school we had to go through lots of scenarios where we had to consider if we would intervene in a story…ethics required that you knew what you would do before you did it.
Thanks about my son. I wasn’t proud about the rat thing, but it was satisfying at the time. Sometimes you just have to walk away.
Joan, thanks so much! Powerful story you tell there, too. It’s sad when one’s reputation is questioned, especailly if it’s unwarranted. There are some scary people out there…which is good for Dilbert but not so great for regular workers.
Rick, it does astonish me when people have to tear others down in order to feel good about themselves. They’re toxic — the third rail — and my best solution is to stay FAR away from them
I work on an insurance claims line where we actively lie or tell half truths all day and I fricking hate it. Worse they want me to be really empathetic and pretend that we really care about the clients whilst they are on the phone and then actively screw them over and do it with a clear conscience, like I know a way our clients can save about 60 pounds as they dont need a car from a certain hire firm but are entitled to it for FREE on their policy, but we send them through to the hire firm (who then mis-lead clients with duplicitous lies) and screw them out of more money because we have a contract with that company. Ive complained to my team leader that I don’t think its ethical and her response was that they don’t have to take the car with that company and if their stupid enough to sign with them it not our problem.
Its all profits over people and it makes me sick.
Great post! I have a Vice President who tells us a daily lie in order to prove a point. For the love of God I cannot understand why! Now he is on a “Leadership” kick and he wants us to be better leaders for our salesmen. How can someone lead when his leader is misleading him everyday he walks into the office? Better yet, our CEO eats up his lies continues to back him in every situation when the entire time we are having a massive retention issue and he cannot figure out why.
Honesty is always the best policy, but how do you deal with compulsive liars who don’t care how much damage their lies really cause?
Bill, a bad situation indeed. And I can’t imagine how a business can run like that…it does, but in spite of itself.
I’m a fan of calling people on their bullshit. It might mean having to leave, but rampant lying is horrible. And…a fish rots from the head first.
Frank, Thank you. You are not the only person to tell me this. I am also a fan of calling him out, however most of the time it only causes him to keep lying and it never ends. Then he covers his tail and he tells our CEO and COO that I am not fit to lead our sales staff and that i should be replaced. I can only imagine what they think of me.
At the end of the day, I will simply have to update my resume and call a head hunter hoping to find a real leader to follow and mentor me. I’ll keep you posted on my search!.. Thanks again.
Bill, cheers on your search. Honest people are always in demand, and you’ll be a great addition to any company. And let’s hope that your new place will have people as ethical as you.
It continually amazes me that people cannot work together towards the same dream or goal in an organisation. All the petty lying and bickering between staff just impairs productivity and efficiency. But then we are all only as good as the person that leads us. I have no problem in the work place of calling a liar on there actions, and will also make it ethical and professionally known to their colleages. At the end of the day, all business is corrupt to a point, but this doesnt mean that we have to lower our own standards to be the same. One dreams of the day that ethics rule over profits, but then maybe I am living in a world where this will never be the case.
Call a spade a spade, and you will never be disrespected by colleages as long as your facts are correct.
Call a spade a spade, and you will never be disrespected by colleages as long as your facts are correct.
What kind of kool-aid are you drinking? I have the unfortunate ability to spot liars often immediately however this skill only serves to protect me. When I say liars, I do not mean the average person who tells the occasional lie or a person who may tell more than occasional lies but the extremely convincing, glib perfect liar who has no tells and is an expert at knowing what people want and how to give it to them. When they are caught in a lie, they create a better lie to cover it or use their emotional power of manipulation to minimize it so those who know don’t care. I have met several liars at the workplace, one who defrauded the company of thousands of dollars and took advantage of other co-workers and prior to that I informed all of my co-employees and the boss that he was an untrustworthy liar and I stated facts that proved my case yet they were ignored. In in other situations outside of work and the outcome was similar. People are animals; emotional creatures not rational and when you present the truth they ignore it. Anyone can spot a normal liar but it is pathological or sociopathic liars that are rarely caught and unless you have evidence that can’t be ignored then don’t even bother. You’ll look like an asshole and the liar will use their abilities to disparage your reputation.
You are so correct!!!
I have actually found the opposite to be true. The coworker doing the lying is who is actually believed. This has even been the case when there was more than one other coworker present, and they even told the boss that what the liar was saying wasn’t true. But, still the boss believed the liar. This situation has actually happened in 2 place I have worked, and on more than one occasion in ech place of employment as well. It just makes you wonder why the ones lying always seem to be believed.