Can I Give You Some Feedback?

Jul 31

I worked at a consulting firm that used “benefit of the doubt” as an excuse for any kind of bad behavior. Someone flubs: Benefit of the doubt. Someone stabs you in the back: Benefit of the doubt. Someone says they’ll do something, then they don’t: Benefit of the doubt.

“Benefit of the doubt” at that place meant, “Give that person a break no matter what they do.” It mattered more at that place to “get along” than to confront reality. I used to be known for saying, in response, “No doubt, no benefit.”

At that same place they also used to say, “Can I give you some feedback?” Listen, “feedback” was never the positive kind. I mean, do you need to ask permission to compliment someone? Hardly. So, whenever someone would say, “Can I give you some feedback?” I’d say, “If you want to criticize me, go ahead.” That usually ended it.

I liked this Fedex Kinkos ad with a manager who does some straight talk with his staff. He didn’t ask them, “Can I give you some feedback?”

About the Author

Frank Roche

Frank started IFRACTAL over 7 years ago with Sarah Chambers. Together, they've created HR communications and HR software for some of the world's leading companies. Frank is also studying Flamenco guitar and origami.

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Comments

Wally Bock says:

August 2, 2007 at 10:22 am

Great post, Frank. You hit exactly on why, when I train, I suggest that supervisors not use the term “feedback at all.” Instead, launch right into what you want to talk about.

Here is what you did, in non-judgemental behavior or performance language.

Here is why we need to talk about it, in logical and emotional language if possible.

After you’ve laid it out, stop and wait for the person you’re talking with to respond. Wait no matter how long it takes. What you will get will determine what you talk about next and can be the start of a very good conversation.

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Frank Roche says:

August 2, 2007 at 11:33 am

Thanks, Wally. What you say it right on the money: Say what you want to say. Whenever someone tries that sin license with me — can I give you some feedback? — I’m already on the defensive. It just doesn’t work. Your approach is the best approach: Tell them the facts and be logical. Have a conversation. That’s what adults do…and it works.

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